That seems to be the name of the game. Poker is full of swings, which, if I didn't before, I definitely understand now. When I was considering going out to Vegas for my poker odyssey, one of the most important factors in my decision was the role of variance in poker. I knew that any given night or week or even month, even the best player can go on a brutal downswing. Skill is a huge part of poker in the long-term, but it is important to recognize the role of luck in the short-term. As I saw many times this trip, the outcome of just one or two important pots can drastically alter the days' results, as well as the overall profit at the end of each week or month. This is why I decided that it was important to be there for a substantial length of time. Even a month, while it sounds like forever, is not quite enough time to determine a player's true hourly rate in a game. But, since I obviously was not going to go to Vegas for a year, I settled on a month to play as much as I could and iron out the variance. I knew that there would be ups and downs, and I wanted to give myself enough time to climb out of any downswings. As you can see in the graph below, I was right.
There were quite a few downswings, but I never gave up. At times, I felt like I should. I always felt like I could have an advantage over anyone who sat down at the table, but there were times in the beginning where I started to doubt myself. A mix of bad plays and bad beats is a recipe for failure. I am not a cash game player by nature, as I have always played tournaments as my bread and butter. In the first week, this definitely showed, as it took time to adjust my game to cash games. Now, I will say that even with those mistakes, I probably should have been about a break-even player in the games I was in, but I was hit with a bad spell of luck during that period as well. And as I told you before, this is just a recipe for disaster. Sure enough, I hit the bottom of my biggest downswing around the morning of June 13th. It was ugly, and I needed to reassess what I was doing. I took the rest of the day off to cool down. It is important to have a clear head when playing, as decisions made on emotion can be the downfall of any poker player. I was down, but I needed to figure out how to come back from it. I analyzed my mistakes and the mistakes of others. I definitely feel like something clicked for me after that 24 hour period. I was beginning to understand the complexity of cash game play, but most of all, I was beginning to understand poker. I realized that I was there for a month for a reason. In the past, when I went on a downswing, I would panic and try to climb out of the hole I dug myself into as quickly as possible. This can lead to reckless play and eventually a bigger hole. I realized I needed to just go back and concentrate on each hand individually without worrying about the bad beats I had taken or the money that was lost before. That money was gone, and all I could do was grind. So I went back to it with a new mindset. Taking a loss still sucked and I still got angry with the game often, but I did not let a loss keep me from eyeing my ultimate goal. I still had plenty of time, and I could make that money back over time. I threw away that sense of fear and urgency that I have so often succumbed to in the past and got back to work. I slowly climbed back up near even before hitting another downswing. Man poker is a crazy game. But again, I kept at it and before I knew it, I was finally above $0 and in the black for the trip. I continued to take some beats (though I definitely ran much better over the second half of my trip), as any good player will, but I was in control and playing infinitely better than just weeks before. The nuances of cash games can only be learned by putting in many hours at the table. Some things can only be understood through practice, and I believe poker is one of those things. I saw and learned new things at the table everyday. That is what is so great about poker. It is not finitely solvable. Every situation is different in some way, and to play well it takes every ounce of concentration one has. It was draining at times, but also exciting and challenging.
Finally, after June 25th, everything began to fall into place the way I had hoped it would. At times it seemed like I would never see a positive number in my overall profit, but after June 25th that number continued to climb. There were some losses along the way, but that's poker for you. It is what makes the game so difficult yet so exciting. Even the best poker players must deal with losses for their entire career. It is part of the game. Losing money at your job is a sickening feeling that most people in the world do not have to deal with. It is extremely difficult to work many hours with nothing to show for it, or even worse, to work so hard but have less money than when you started! However, as a poker player, one must be content that eventually the profit will show and the losses are just bumps on the way there. On July 5th, I exceeded my target goal. I had made enough to cover all of my expenses plus have a little extra left over for myself. I made enough to cover my month's hotel bills, eat out every meal, and fly round trip to Vegas. I accomplished what I had set out to do, and I came back in one piece. Though at times it looked like I may have had to come back with less money than I had gone out there with, I am happy to report that my trip was a total success. Most importantly, I had a great time and was able to come home feeling good about what I had done. I did not win a life-changing amount of money, but that does not mean that I didn't have a life-changing experience. I will always look back on my time in Vegas with pride. Vegas tested my resolve, my ability to handle adversity, and my will to succeed. The ups and downs that are involved in poker pushed me to my limits, as did the perils of living in Vegas for a month. There are many amazing things about Vegas, but there are just as many depressing things there as well. A month in Vegas really opens your eyes to that. This blog has gotten pretty long, so I won't go into all of that. Maybe another day...
I hope everyone enjoyed following me on my journey. The blog was a great outlet for me to stay connected with all of you and with the world outside of Vegas. Even if most did not read it, it was an important part of the trip for me, and I hope it filled you in on my thoughts and experiences. With the exception of leaving out financial numbers (don't want them out in a public forum), I tried to be as honest as possible with you. I shared both my highest and lowest moments with you, and I hope you enjoyed the ride. It was a roller coaster of emotions, and luckily for me it ended as well as I had hoped. Thanks for being there with me.
Danny
